Lab Ratz
Player Bios

Joanna Thackwray

Age: One of the youngest to participate in the Olympic trials (triathalon?)
Height: No tall enough to challenge her hubby on the basketball court.
Weight: Light (have you ever seen a heavy weight marathon runner?)
Birth Place: Kitchener, Ontario
Occupation: Occupational Therapist
Status: Happy
Nickname: Chewy

Description: One of the original Lab Ratz and the backbone of team spirit and rhythm'n'blues, Joanna brings enthusiasm and an endless supply of energy to the team, or better yet, to life in general. Aside from being an ultimate guru (at least when it's sunny out), Joanna's an avid hiker, water-skier, cyclist, skier, and runner. She runs, I mean, she really runs. She runs the Sun Run, the half-marathon, marathons (even qualifying for the Boston Marathon) but oh no, that is not enough for Jo. Her sights have been set even higher- the Iron Woman (or perhaps the half-iron woman- pretty much the same thing). When not out conquering some high peak in a faraway land, Joanna can be seen bouncing around the ultimate fields (kinda like Tigger), and more often than not, wearing gloves (kinda like Michael Jackson). Perhaps this boundless energy has some origin in Jo's staple food- Reece's Pieces Blizzards from Dairy Queen.

Bridget Gilbride

Age: 25
Height: Rumors that she is 5'5.5'' I think are grossly exaggerated.
Weight: Does not change the gravitational constant.
Birth Place: Barrie, Ontario (don't hold that against her).
Occupation: Math Freak.
Status: Single???
Nickname: Math Freak.

Description: This is Bridgets first season on the Lab Ratz. She was rescued out of the back corners of the UBC Math department to fulfill her destiny as a Lab Rat. Don't let that scare you though. When not proving that 3 is sometimes not a prime number, she can be found horizontal in the air or the grass. She has the cool Gaia cleats so watch out, she's going to run fast. She plays the drums, listens to Hardcore punk music, loves Star Trek and has an awesome gun collection. Best accomplishment: completed 111253*2^165379-1 IO flicks in a row (approximately). BTW: 111253*2^165379-1 is prime!

Melanie Mayer

Age: 27 and counting.
Height: Probably taller than you are.
Weight: Claims not to know, but we think she is lying.
Birth Place: Some hick town in Michigan.
Occupation: Tormented Grad student.
Status: attached to her lab bench.
Nickname: M2, or Mel.

Desription: Melanie is one of two Lab Ratz that find themselves in Vancouver at the capricious whim of their graduate advisor. Melanie was living an idyllic existence as a graduate student in molecular biology and genetics at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. A Midwestern gal at heart, she had grown accustomed to a fast paced East Coast lifestyle on the gritty streets of Baltimore, Maryland, and she enjoyed an idyllic existence in Hopkins' hallowed halls. Tragically, Melanie was forced into a bleak exile from Hopkins when her advisor left Baltimore to become the Associate Grand Poobah of the Center for Molecular Medicine and Therapeutics in Vancouver, relocating his entire laboratory in the process. Thus our heroine headed northwest to finish her Ph.D. research on the arcana of chromosome segregation, telomere maintenance, silencing, and cohesion in the budding yeast Saccharomyces cerevisiae (the kind used to make bread, and more importantly, beer). To help ameliorate the unbearable lightness of being a long-suffering grad student, Melanie joined the Lab Ratz in their inaugural season and has been playing with them ever since. Besides Ultimate, Melanie's interests include volleyball, yeast genetics, hiking, travel, and Thai food. She can often be found working late at night in the laboratory, seeking scientific truth and a finished thesis!

Laura Bliss, Esq.

Age: Age of Majority.
Height: On a Balance of probabililties, shorter than you.
Weight: Confidential as protected by Doctor-patient privilege.
Birth Place: Allegedly back East.
Occupation: Formerly a Solicitor and now a power-wielding Securities officer.
Status: To be betrothed on or about the month prior to September.
Nickname: Jury is still deliberating.

Desription: Seduced by, inter alia, the sublime landscape, mountains, and/or waterways of the West, Laura, like many of the other Lab Ratz (hereinafter the Team), intentionally and willfully escaped (said action being merely a lawful exercise of her constitutionally-entrenched mobility rights) the cold confines of Toronto to seek asylum and/or occupation in Vancouver. Ab initio, Laura would have forsaken her vocation within the domain of law to be a gourmet, i.e.: a connoisseur of good or delicate food. Nevertheless, it was to be fiat justitia ruat coelum rather than bon appetit! That aside, Laura first contemplated forming an alliance with the Team last fall after acquiring such express and implied invitations therefrom, but resigned to the fact that she had some issues with which she first had to grapple, including, but not limited to, commitment and rain. However, on or about last winter, Laura persevered and a Laura de novo emerged, partaking in the invigorating albeit, at times, cruel and unusual punishment of the game of Ultimate with the Team. Upon information and belief, it has been deposed that this season, or sometime thereabouts, Laura de novo can be seen striking long and/or taking off at a rapid pace, laying out and/or causing herself to be horizontal in midair for the frisbees, more commonly referred to as discs, notwithstanding the paucity of sunshine in the West. Corrigendum: Legalese aside, Laura thoroughly enjoys curling up on her new beautiful sofa, book in hand and Raptors game on T.V.

Blair Luscombe

Age: not 25
Height: From our team picture I would say about 5 10.
Weight: Looks about 170-180lbs.
Birth Place: Parts Unknown.
Occupation: Sailing dude... for all the single women out there, he runs his own business.
Status: Single... at least that's what he tells us.
Nickname: Gimpy

Desription: Blair is a veteran of the Ultimate scene, having played for countless years on numerous teams in the VUL. After years of temptation, he has finally rejected the decadent life of the Porn Star to become a truly devoted member of our cult.. uh, team. He has finally displayed the depth of his devotion by scheduling a sailing trip for us this year, after which he will finally be a full-fledged Rat, with all honors and privileges that accompany that title. We hope his newfound faith in the Ratz will result in an injury-free season this year. It seems that the Porn Star lifestyle made him vulnerable to injuries, especially those centered about the calf and groin. Despite his injuries he could still be seen limping around on the field, muttering "It's the playoffs, baby". Countless hours in the gym (managing his triangle) during the off-season has resulted in Blair being in the best shape of his life, ready to take on all comers. He has publicly declared that he will play "fish" in our Salmon zone and school Mike Grant if we ever play against him, so watch out!

Jonathan Patrick

Age: Aged to Perfection
Height: About 6'0''
Weight: More than Bridget
Birth Place: A test-tube in an un-named UBC laboratory
Occupation: Fighting evil and saving the World
Status: Well above the rest of us.
Nickname: JP

Desription: Jonathan Patrick came to the team not as one of the laboratory scientists but as the product of one of the their controversial experiments. Initially appearing to be yet another waste of an NSERC grant, JP proved all skeptics wrong when he reached the cheese at the end of the maze in record time. Immediately recruited to the ultimate team, you better watch out for this Rat! Now fully transitioned into the real world, when JP's not laying out on the field, he's been seen comtemplating higher mathematics, attending Shakespearean tragedies, and spending time at Ted's with a certain beautiful blonde (other than Dave). In fact, the rest of us are having a hard time finding a flaw in this guy. If you notice one, please email it'sJP'sfault@hotmail.com. (Confidentiality assured. This is for the good of science.)

David Urminsky

Age: A measly 25
Height: 6'2''
Weight: More than Hope
Birth Place: One of those eastern provinces
Occupation: Math Geek
Status: Hunting
Boxers/briefs: Depends
Nickname: Hammer Head

Desription: Dave is one of the original Ratz who joined the team back at the beginning of the 1998 season. His skills have improved considerably and he can now say that he is an "A" Player. He is an imposing figure on the field and was once told to run to the endzone, stand there, and just jump when the disc is thrown to him. Dave loves playing the top of the cup. For some reason he just loves being on top...hhhmmmm. He can often be seen throwing hammers into the endzone, thus his nickname. He does have a mean hammer. He is the Ratz most eager player and will always be the first one to volunteer for any pickup game, tournament, and shows up to every practice. Girls, note the tendency towards committment, loyalty, reliability (wink, wink)!. He lives in the party house with JP, Darren and Mark who are also ultimate players and they all throw some wicked parties. Dave is an all-round fabulous guy, although he doesn't date older women so that's a point against him.

Don Wagner Ph.D.

Age: Old enough to be a Doctor
Height: Tall enough to be a doctor
Weight: Heavy enough to be a doctor
Birth Place: Doctorton
Occupation: Doctor
Status: why is he single, he's a doctor
Nickname: Long Don

Desription: Dr. Don Wagner (PhD) was recruited by the Ratz in 1998 in order to study the effect of laying out on brain function. His "velcro" hands have allowed him to be our "silent but deadly" weapon in the end zone. Despite having one bum knee, Long Don can be seen charging to the end zone to incredibly snag the disc as it soars above the other teams heads. But Don's skill doesn't end on the field, his unique talent lies in rummaging up old classics for the Ratz famous cheers. And we'll have fun, fun, fun......

Tamer Alev

Age: Old enough to drink Raki.
Height: 5'9'' (tall enough to drink Raki).
Weight: Less than me, but more when he drinks Raki.
Birth Place: Ankara, TR
Occupation: Raki Drinker.
Status: Very, Very Married to a beautiful Blond. (not Hope).
Nickname: Raki

Desription: Tamer comes to the Lab Ratz via the VUL individual sign ups at the inception of the Ratz. He came along with his beautiful and talented wife Kim, the other gorgeous blonde on the team. His first thoughts of ultimate were of a sport you play on the beach that consisted of throwing the "frisbee" to each other in such a way that you would have to lay out into the surf.....hhhmmm....I think his ideas of the sport have changed. He is now one of the Ratz best diving defenders (well...when he's dreaming or after he's had some Raki). Tamer introduced some of us to his favourite past time, drinking Raki, and the results were hilarious. What is Raki you ask, well it's a turkish beverage that has a very strong taste with a very strong liquorice smell. It is 45% proof and is the Turkish National Drink. After a sample, some of us Ratz passed out and had to be dragged from the field. When Raki isn't available, Tamer likes to drink beer, mostly pale ales. You can always count on Tamer to have a smile on his face and to be there with this winning smile in the endzone diving to catch a disc. He is also famous on the Ratz for his one-handed snags in the air. His goals in life are to travel around the world on a BMW motorcycle with the wind whipping through his hair, sitting behind him is his beautiful blonde wife with her arms wrapped around him (hanging on for dear life no doubt). His other goal is to be a diving defender, for real.

Marc Mailhot (pronounced MaleHot, and yes he is)

Age: He is in his Twenteens.
Height: 6'8''
Weight: ~275 lbs (Give ^r take, but HUGE)
Birth Place: Small Scandinavian village of Huk'klot.
Occupation: Humble Starbucks vendor and baptized, believing, musically inclined student of the World.
Status: Courting a former Lab Rat, the lovely Sarah.
Nickname: Space Cadet
Noteworthy Great hands, great feet, game concept... never heard of it.

Desription: In only his second season with the Lab Ratz:
Okay Mark, you set the stack.
The what?
The stack. You go and set the stack.
Well, okay. (Hmm, what is this stack thing about which they speak?)
Mark, where are you going?! Look, never mind the stack, on defense you go in the cup.
The what?
The cup! You know, when we^re running our zone-D we have three in the cup.
Alright. (Hmm, I am not familiar with this term cup, and what do they mean when they refer to the zone-D?)
[Somewhat bewildered by his apparent complete lack of knowledge of the fundamentals of the game and its strategies]
Mark. You run deep. Catch flying disk. Throw disk to someone with shirt like yours.
And so Mark ran, and caught, and he did throw, and the Ratz all agreed that he is good.
Amen.